Well... since my last post I have been thinking about the balance to what I said- about how the church was a bit useless for not sorting out all the world's issues ; )
I was thinking how Lord Wilberforce, the Amish and countless other Christian groups were anti-slavery. And fought for it. And how their experience was that God was leading them.
How Martin Luther King Junior really felt lead by God in his stand for social justice.
How lots of my friends are into helping people who are less fortunate than them. How others are fair trade geeks. Or don't like the cigarette industry because its effect on children in the communities where it is grown...
I have been thinking that as much as there is evidence that Christians dont seem to be THAT amazing overall at getting social issues right, there is as much evidence that ones of us and groups of us, are responding to what we believe is the true call of God - be it a little prompting here and there or some major kind of call.
That's something to get excited about. That is something to be encouraged by.
Because as much as the world has crazy issues in it, and as much as the church should be for the world, there are also other people in it. You cant point to all the bad issues and say - naughty Christians. You can say, get it together people (all people, everywhere)!!!! And then the church can seek God for how to live, and which issues to focus on, and just look at the things they care about and start doing something till God says do something else!
I have been reeaaallly challenged about how we need to hear the prompting of the Holy Spirit in the day to day. I think that God is available to give us peace, provide some direction, point us to needs, strengthen us to love when we cant be bothered any more. That's the challenge. Not to get busy living as Christians so that we miss the point.
I think the church is very busy.
Sometimes it needs to be.
But sometimes not.
Yesterday I went to David Wilkinson's church - the guy who wrote the Cross and the Switchblade. He did a lot of work in the 1970s with the gangs of New York, and that book is about his experiences. I wanted to go to this church because his book impacted on me as a teenager, and because I thought he lived Christianity with a great deal of integrity. His church was cool... I heard that his church has a big missions population - they are sent all over the world. However, in that 9/11 happened, God told the church to keep the leaders home, that he wanted them to serve at home that year. When 9/11 happened, all the leaders were at home base, and were ready and really easily mobilised to help the people most affected. They fed people, housed people, etc. That is so so cool.
So, I think, yay this guy. Who hears from God and does it.
I have noticed that the differences I notice most in the States are the 'desperate' ones. The homeless thing, racial issues - the basics. But also the things that to fix are the 'heroic' ones. I noticed that when I re-read my last blog.
Since then, I have been thinking- what does God want with people like me? Has he only come for the homeless and those in survival mode? What is it that really sets a Christian apart? What is it about God that he is there for drug addicts and homeless, but also for me? What is it that God wants with my life that I need him before I become a person in need of desperate, basic help for survival?
I think the thing that is important is that God wants to be involved. With me. He wants to help when I'm anxious, to step me through life so that I have His peace, and His blessings in my life.
Am I qualified?
Nope.
Am I sick enough?
Could get there... hahaha. I dont need to be sick. I just think that my life with God actively in it would be a better adventure ; )
Do I need His blessings and his help?
Possibly not. Plenty of people survive in the world without God. But I would like to have God's involement. Because I know God is real. And I want to respond to God, and to see what happens when I live like that. And because when lots of us join in with what God is doing it is easier to see the effect of his involvement.
Will my life be markedly different?
Maybe, maybe not. I think the point is to keep listening to God. The difference will be inside me mostly, and over time I hope that comes out as something cooler than when I'm not listening. I dont want the difference to be only that I go to church. That isnt enough.
Will I have to help the homeless and the drug addicts, etc?
Maybe, maybe not. I have had this passion for seeing better justice for Maori in New Zealand, and I dont think that that is coincidental. I like organising things, I'd like to tie that into helping people connect to each other - I'd like to help people get to know who Christians are in Kelburn where I hope to live so that they can have access to God's help. The point really is not for me to save the world. The point is for God to save the world. I would be suprised if the church as a whole wasn't involved in some kind of 'emergency' help. But there are a lot of other needs, which are valid and not desperate, and God is for all of us.
SO.
That's been my thinking and revelations over the last few weeks...
And what do I think now?
I think the church has a real challenge to think about how it is. I think that as Christians we need to be checking each other to see if we have become mediocre. It is possible to help the homeless and have stopped hearing from God (not so good). It is possible to be just praying and hearing from God, and being prepared for something in the future (why not!?). It is possible to be living as a Christian with sin that the church readily identifies, and be working it through with God (yay, that is the whole point). I think as Christians, we are allowed to just live. We are allowed to be in our lives enjoying that God is at work, and/or trying to figure stuff out, or struggling through stuff and seeking his help. And I expect that in His love for the whole world, he will be keen to have the church meet the needs of people around us, in all sorts of ways.
At the end of the day, I think I have sorted out my thinking a bit to get that God is for me, too. Just like this. Travelling in New York and shopping till I'm too tired to walk any more. It's so fun. I can see him helping me work things out in my head as well while I'm here.
God is a goodie. I also realised that God wont zap the worlds problems away because he's into free will. And he has a funny role for the chruch, which I'm just learning about...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
A Confession
I am giving up on chronology - when I get behind i dont catch up, and a blog with no updates is kind of lame. Tonight I cant sleep because there is too much whirling around in my head. I have been thinking a lot about faith. It's a bit of a story:
The Context
Here there are a lot of homeless people. In every city I have been to. Begging, sleeping in parks or on benches. Calling out, 'How are you doin''. Trying to trick you into paying them money.
I have been in the South, and have been to a few civil rights museums. I have been in the land of Martin Luther King Jnr - where he was shot, where he preached, where he lived... That has been really amazing, and moving. I didnt really know much about USA's civil rights history, except for slavery, and was surprised that segregation was only stopped in the 1960s. I have found the history of Martin Luther King Jnr pretty amazing. I have been sobered by photos and videos about the impacts of peaceful protest, and moved by his personal conviction, and what he sufferred for his cause.
More personally, I have had some surprising encounters with people on issues of race. Some conversations with locals paint blacks more as criminals and communities to be afraid of and in, than as people, some of whom are criminals, and cautioning that in some areas I need to be careful and why.
It doesn't matter who told me what, but I was told that I might not want to walk down this street or that street because it is a black area. That's it. No other explanation. Nothing about crime statistics. No explanation about why it might be more risky for white people to go there (found out from subsequent conversations, that in some areas no white people go there except cops and social workers, so not a high level of joy about white folks). No explanation about anything. Just, there are blacks there. Same about a night club. Thought it was too dangerous, too many blacks.
I find this so deeply disturbing.
Most immediately for me, I have found these experiences unsettling in terms of thinking about my own safety. I have no idea what these statements mean. I know the colour dynamic is different over here, and I have to be sensible. But working out what these statements mean practically is tricky.
Most importantly, though, it is really disturbing for the health of communities here. To paint barriers so starkly is really dangerous. The proximity to the days of segregation matters - it is in the living memory of some people, and I think that impacts on life here.
Just to clarify at this point - by no means has every white person I have met been racist. Some people don't seem to think much about it. Others seem to have opinions that are informed sensibly by history and are have differing levels of understanding about the issues. Mostly it doesn't come up.
The Faith Connection
I drove through some little hic towns in Tennessee and (aside from seeing some hillbillies in real life, woohhooo!!!) I drove through a town famous for lynching blacks. Right there in the heart of the bible belt.
And i got to thinking about how the South had been into slavery more than the North. How the South seems to be more fundamentalist than the North. How there is no longer segregation in the States, but I find myself being one of very few white people in some of the places I go down here (in the South).
More irony...
And here I am sitting in my hostel thinking a lot about judgementalism and faith, and sin, and blind spots and morality. And me back home. And us back home. And what faith means.
How can the church ever be the beautiful bride of Christ?
Some of us hit social justice, some of us miss racism. Some of us let women lead, others of us dont let gay people lead. Some of us nail chastity, some of us let judgementalism or piousness in. Some of us get the rules right, but totally miss grace. Some of us look righteous but don't have faith. Some of us go to church regularly, but how many of us let the holy spirit work in us towards His transformation?
How does the bible belt (as a big generalisation) miss slavery and racism? What is the NZ church missing? What needs do we live with or justify? Are we active about loving people or do we play church? Do we attend, or do we practice being Christlike? Are we Christlike about the big issues as well as the little things - the every day, things done for ourselves or for others, but without trumpets and banners?
But actually first, how are we listening to God and allowing him to shape us before we do a thing?
The Confession
For a long time I have felt like these questions have been churning inside.
A lot of what I have been thinking about while I have been here is that I am pretty good at making excuses for not doing things. What I am about to say I think helps to keep me from being Christlike, and helps me to miss being part of the church-answer to issues like the ones I have talked about above.... It is my confession.
I have felt unqualified for Christianity for ages. I grew up in a 'good Christian household' where I was brought up to be good. And in some ways it doesnt come too hard... there is something to be said for following the training of your parents. But I can do that pretty well without any involvement from God.
My problem is that I have tried so hard to be good about morality, that I have missed the joy of obedience. And i have done it myself. I have been good out of discipline (and there are definate moments on help from god), but i have not stretched my 'obedience' outside what the church has seemed to be comfortable with. I have also lived in fear of stuffing it up so that sometimes I feel like I haven't lived. Sometimes i feel like i have suffocated the life of Christ out of my own self. I've developed habits of legalism and not of a life sourced in Christ, so much so that I think I have a pretty warped view of what Christianity is. I can feel like God loves everyone, and see how it applies, but find it hard to accept that the offer is also for me.
I think I got used to churches that told me what to do and how to live. And i have to get better at taking responsibility for my own Christianity, especially in the light of things I have seen.
And now I am stuck. Churches go too fast for me because they want me to be involved. I want to learn how to obey God, but I feel vulnerable about people in positions of authority getting me to do what they want me to do. Is it what they need, or what I need, or what God wants or a mix?? Somewhere there is a balance between seeing a need and doing something about it, and cultivating Christ in us so that he impels us. I also that I get so tied up in questions about things that I get overwhelmed and cant go forward very well.
I dont want to be 'in church' for its own sake. I want to know Jesus and know the power of His kingdom for me (which translates into His kingdom to others). I dont want to get tied up serving inside the church, but when I am honest, I dont want my life to be too overtaken by Christ! Oh man!
So, that is my confession. Its kind of a confession and kind of not. I think the confession is that I havent been doing all I can do to sort out my questions. But I am not sorry for my questions.. I think thats an important part of growing up in faith.
I am figuring out over here how important community is. Without community, I couldn't help the homeless guy who wet himself at the bus stop beside me. I have nothing to offer - it is too much for me to meet that need alone. That takes a group of people (including a whole lot of men! Ha) to address the cause of something that can result in that kind of indignity. I cant do much about racism over here... thats a problem that takes relationship with people over a long time.
I am also missing all my friends from home, being able to chat about things, share little things in life and work through things that come up. I am really looking forward to coming home, and to settling into life again. I'm going to need some help with my questions... In the mean time, you praying folk could pray for me about this stuff, and for God's peace to be with me in my travels...
The Context
Here there are a lot of homeless people. In every city I have been to. Begging, sleeping in parks or on benches. Calling out, 'How are you doin''. Trying to trick you into paying them money.
I have been in the South, and have been to a few civil rights museums. I have been in the land of Martin Luther King Jnr - where he was shot, where he preached, where he lived... That has been really amazing, and moving. I didnt really know much about USA's civil rights history, except for slavery, and was surprised that segregation was only stopped in the 1960s. I have found the history of Martin Luther King Jnr pretty amazing. I have been sobered by photos and videos about the impacts of peaceful protest, and moved by his personal conviction, and what he sufferred for his cause.
More personally, I have had some surprising encounters with people on issues of race. Some conversations with locals paint blacks more as criminals and communities to be afraid of and in, than as people, some of whom are criminals, and cautioning that in some areas I need to be careful and why.
It doesn't matter who told me what, but I was told that I might not want to walk down this street or that street because it is a black area. That's it. No other explanation. Nothing about crime statistics. No explanation about why it might be more risky for white people to go there (found out from subsequent conversations, that in some areas no white people go there except cops and social workers, so not a high level of joy about white folks). No explanation about anything. Just, there are blacks there. Same about a night club. Thought it was too dangerous, too many blacks.
I find this so deeply disturbing.
Most immediately for me, I have found these experiences unsettling in terms of thinking about my own safety. I have no idea what these statements mean. I know the colour dynamic is different over here, and I have to be sensible. But working out what these statements mean practically is tricky.
Most importantly, though, it is really disturbing for the health of communities here. To paint barriers so starkly is really dangerous. The proximity to the days of segregation matters - it is in the living memory of some people, and I think that impacts on life here.
Just to clarify at this point - by no means has every white person I have met been racist. Some people don't seem to think much about it. Others seem to have opinions that are informed sensibly by history and are have differing levels of understanding about the issues. Mostly it doesn't come up.
The Faith Connection
I drove through some little hic towns in Tennessee and (aside from seeing some hillbillies in real life, woohhooo!!!) I drove through a town famous for lynching blacks. Right there in the heart of the bible belt.
And i got to thinking about how the South had been into slavery more than the North. How the South seems to be more fundamentalist than the North. How there is no longer segregation in the States, but I find myself being one of very few white people in some of the places I go down here (in the South).
More irony...
And here I am sitting in my hostel thinking a lot about judgementalism and faith, and sin, and blind spots and morality. And me back home. And us back home. And what faith means.
How can the church ever be the beautiful bride of Christ?
Some of us hit social justice, some of us miss racism. Some of us let women lead, others of us dont let gay people lead. Some of us nail chastity, some of us let judgementalism or piousness in. Some of us get the rules right, but totally miss grace. Some of us look righteous but don't have faith. Some of us go to church regularly, but how many of us let the holy spirit work in us towards His transformation?
How does the bible belt (as a big generalisation) miss slavery and racism? What is the NZ church missing? What needs do we live with or justify? Are we active about loving people or do we play church? Do we attend, or do we practice being Christlike? Are we Christlike about the big issues as well as the little things - the every day, things done for ourselves or for others, but without trumpets and banners?
But actually first, how are we listening to God and allowing him to shape us before we do a thing?
The Confession
For a long time I have felt like these questions have been churning inside.
A lot of what I have been thinking about while I have been here is that I am pretty good at making excuses for not doing things. What I am about to say I think helps to keep me from being Christlike, and helps me to miss being part of the church-answer to issues like the ones I have talked about above.... It is my confession.
I have felt unqualified for Christianity for ages. I grew up in a 'good Christian household' where I was brought up to be good. And in some ways it doesnt come too hard... there is something to be said for following the training of your parents. But I can do that pretty well without any involvement from God.
My problem is that I have tried so hard to be good about morality, that I have missed the joy of obedience. And i have done it myself. I have been good out of discipline (and there are definate moments on help from god), but i have not stretched my 'obedience' outside what the church has seemed to be comfortable with. I have also lived in fear of stuffing it up so that sometimes I feel like I haven't lived. Sometimes i feel like i have suffocated the life of Christ out of my own self. I've developed habits of legalism and not of a life sourced in Christ, so much so that I think I have a pretty warped view of what Christianity is. I can feel like God loves everyone, and see how it applies, but find it hard to accept that the offer is also for me.
I think I got used to churches that told me what to do and how to live. And i have to get better at taking responsibility for my own Christianity, especially in the light of things I have seen.
And now I am stuck. Churches go too fast for me because they want me to be involved. I want to learn how to obey God, but I feel vulnerable about people in positions of authority getting me to do what they want me to do. Is it what they need, or what I need, or what God wants or a mix?? Somewhere there is a balance between seeing a need and doing something about it, and cultivating Christ in us so that he impels us. I also that I get so tied up in questions about things that I get overwhelmed and cant go forward very well.
I dont want to be 'in church' for its own sake. I want to know Jesus and know the power of His kingdom for me (which translates into His kingdom to others). I dont want to get tied up serving inside the church, but when I am honest, I dont want my life to be too overtaken by Christ! Oh man!
So, that is my confession. Its kind of a confession and kind of not. I think the confession is that I havent been doing all I can do to sort out my questions. But I am not sorry for my questions.. I think thats an important part of growing up in faith.
I am figuring out over here how important community is. Without community, I couldn't help the homeless guy who wet himself at the bus stop beside me. I have nothing to offer - it is too much for me to meet that need alone. That takes a group of people (including a whole lot of men! Ha) to address the cause of something that can result in that kind of indignity. I cant do much about racism over here... thats a problem that takes relationship with people over a long time.
I am also missing all my friends from home, being able to chat about things, share little things in life and work through things that come up. I am really looking forward to coming home, and to settling into life again. I'm going to need some help with my questions... In the mean time, you praying folk could pray for me about this stuff, and for God's peace to be with me in my travels...
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